am i happy?

I've been absent from the blog world as I have seriously been ridiculously busy. However, now as I take some down time and relax, I realize I miss being able to express myself to no one, or everyone, via a blog. On this date I am 19 years old, I am going to France in 36 days and am happy.

Its not that I am not without worry, I worry about my hair and my skin. I panic about the scratch on my car or the fact that I am going to have to parallel park and yes it is on a hill. I freak out about the fact that my bikini is too small. I 'die a little inside' when I realize I've left the house without my phone. I get a sudden heat as I feel my face turn red as I realize that a. I'm wearing a vest top and b. I haven't shaved my armpits. I cannot decide and fret over whether to choose the pink top or the green. I worry that I won't have enough money to buy petrol, go out for dinner and go out in town a the weekend. I worry I am not pretty enough. I worry no one likes me. Am I too fat? Am I funny?

In the scheme of things though, what is the worst that can happen?
What's the most dire consequence I will be faced with if my skin has imperfections, my hairs out of place or I have got a bit bigger? Will the world stop turning if I do not update instagram and facebook for the day. If someone needs to contact me so bad they'll ring my work. A scratch on my car? At least I have one. Don't put your arms up if your armpits are hairy, frankly no one gives a shit. Pink or green? Go for blue. Am I alive? Am I healthy? Do I have a house, food and a family? Am I loved? Do I have the oppurtunity to fulfil my wishes and wants? Do I have access to technology, chances and jobs? Yes.

I am happy. Happy is not a new phone. Happy is the people around you. Happy is not thin. Happy is healthy. Happy is not vanity. Happy is being loved. Happy is not being popular. Happy is having those you need and need you. Happy is not a possession. Happy is acceptance and what you make of it.