There's a time and a place to die

As I lay here in bed at 9:46 after a hell of a day, exhausted and aching from working all day I am reflecting on the past year or so of my life. It was approximately a year ago I was doing the same but with much a contrasting view on things.

This time last year I was nearing the end of my first full year of full blown anorexia. If I was to tell you all about my anorexia in this first post, not only would I bore you and scare you off but I'd have very little else to write about. I can remember spending my nights laying in bed calculating how much I'd allow myself to eat (or not eat as the case was, more often than not) before I fell asleep as I tumbled down a perilous path of self destruct with the ultimate goal of disappearing completely. I wanted nothing more but to starve, be thin or die and thinking over that now I am really saddened at how miserable I was. As I lay here now I am suddenly thankful at my failure to kill myself. I have realised now that the fact my body did not give up on me, besides being nothing short of a miracle, was also because there is a time and a place to die. There was a reason, however significant, for me to stick around. This journey has taught and is teaching me to appreciate that everything happens for a reason, what will be will be and that you cannot mess with fate. We do not and cannot choose where our life ends, we may miss out on the amazing oppurtunities that have been planned out for us. The lessons learnt and tests we face on the journey to love ourselves are mere setbacks in the saga of our lives. Giving up is not an option, for it is out of our hands. There is no telling what is around the corner but accepting that nothing is perfect as things are always changing and it is acceptance that we must seek as opposed to flawless immaculacy. Our lives have been bestowed upon us with such a responsibility to go out and live them as we are the lucky ones, some do not get given a life. We must embrace our life as we have a purpose to live as full, happy, enjoyable, hectic and crazy life as possible. Embrace the immaculacy, the craziness, the hurt, emotion and beautifulness. Accept the flaws and do everything to strive to be you and not conform as tomorrow is a Monday. A new week. A new start. Save your own life. Sometimes you're the only person who can.

Concluding this possibly a little bit pretentious rant, I'm not fixed but I'm on the road to greater happiness and I cannot wait for my next challenge.