I could write this predominantly about my anorexia but that's only taking up a small portion of my life. Though I can't deny that it will forever be with me, I am determined that I shall have only lived a fraction of my life as what I call a 'practicing anorexic'. At an almost healthy weight on this day and feeling horrifically undeserving of the small space I worthlessly take up I found myself reflecting on what I've overcome this year already only 5 months in not to mention what I've achieved throughout my life.
I was, and I guess I still am or could be; a model student. Excelling in the majority of my subjects but never excelling enough by my extortionately high standards. Being the best was always my aspiration. Maths, science anything even to one handed cartwheels I would tirelessly practice. Though I was tall at a young age I was never fat. In hindsight I'd want my old body back. I can remember complaining to my mum how I was too big and too tall. Why it mattered I do not know.
My childhood was fabulous. I couldn't have wanted for anything. The eldest of three girls, we were spoilt rotten but appreciated everything we were lucky enough to have. My dad earnt enough money but I believe my competitive urge and determination came from him. A powerful man who could dominate a large amount of people simply with a look. I can remember adoring my dad and to this day still do. My mum; a beautiful woman with the most caring instinct in the world. Everyone says that about their mothers but I genuinely believe I have the best mum ever. I bickered with my sisters but we played alot together also and strove to get on amicably a fair amount of the time. We holidayed at least twice a year and were given treats all the time. From a young age I wanted to do everything to the best I could, maths, spelling tests, homework and auditions. I loved drama, I believe there is a difference between being a confident person and a self confident person. And although i was never very self confident i was good at talking and could convince people of lots of things, I believe that although my mums side are talkers that my dad is a good negotiator and can persuade people with words very well. I danced from a young age and was constantly performing. Me and my sisters would perform shows for my parents often.
I always remember being happy.
Though we haven't always lived in the house I live in today it is the only house I remember living in. In a rural village called icklesham, in my opinion it's a brilliant house. We have a huge garden and my room was plenty big enough for the huge collection of toys I had.
My paternal grandmother was a fabulous woman. Very shy and meek but with a wicked sense of humour. She had amazing stories and I could sit for hours in her company. My maternal grandmother is glamorous and lives the life of a vibrant 30 year old. Her and her husband, my grandfather, an antique restoring, base player and my favourite person on earth are an eccentric couple, who drink home brewed wine with lunch everyday and eat out more often than in. My grandfather is my idol. Regardless of the situation, where I am I know if I needed him to be, he'd be there. He's so kind and funny and I love him. Everyone adores him and his generosity and it makes me feel proud that he's my grandad and not their's. He spells of distinctly of wood burner, wood glue and wood and I don't know what I would do without him.
I just want to make everyone proud.
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