What's it like to have anorexia? The question I'm most frequently asked. It's such a hard question to answer at the time you're in the thick of it as it's so all consuming that it becomes your life. I couldn't remember or imagine life without anorexia. So it became normal. 

As I finally began to accept I had to do something about my anorexia as I couldn't go on and finally admitted it was a problem I reay realised how horrible it is.

From the moment I woke up, to the moment I went to sleep my full attention would be on how much food I would eat that day, how much exercise I did, how much I weighed and how I could avoid food. I can remember feeling so frightened as you're constantly being told how ill you look, how thin and frail yet looking in the mirror, though you see bones you still feel too big. I couldn't believe a word anyone said.There becomes a point when anorexia becomes you, I was constantly being tormented by ridiculous thoughts. Everyone hates you. If you don't do 200 sit ups an hour your family will die. If you put body lotion on your hands the calories will absorb through your skin. The calories in smells can go through your nose, hold your breath or you'll have to run up the stairs 42 times. Everyone's tricking you, they've put cream in the milk bottle. The diet coke in the can isn't actually diet they made a mistake in the factory you'll have to not eat your apple for lunch. Food cannot touch, don't even think about eating carbs before veg. 

The thoughts though they sounds bizarre were so real. If I didn't follow these ritual so genuinely thought that I would be unloved, or someone close to me would die. It sounds ridiculous, but the anorexia personifies itself, and becomes so powerful.