to all of you

As a teenage girl in modern society there is so many pressures. To be cool, to be pretty, to be normal, to excel academically, to be on trend, to be rich, to be funny, to thin, to be normal - that i think we often lose touch of what is most important. To be all of these things would be a betrayal to yourself, being all of these thing wont make you popular or a better person and they certainly wont make you happy. Happiness comes from freedom, from excitement, from spontaneity, from being a little bit different, from laughing all day, to going for an ice-cream straight after a huge lunch or running around in some dorky clothes because you really do not care. A happy girl is a beautiful one.

Make-up will not make you happy, being size zero certainly won't. Wearing the same clothes as everyone else, liking the same bands wont. Studying extra math to please your parents and teachers even though you despise it and would rather be doing art wont make you happy. Not having a slice of cake when you so desperately long for the creaminess of the butter cream, simply because the girls at school say its important to watch your weight won't make you happy. Dieting wont make you perfect. Nor will it impress him. A hilarious joke or quirky fashion sense with a sparkle in your eye will. Wearing the wrong shirt, not liking the same shops isn't a reason to drag a blade across your skin as punishment, it is a reason to embrace your differences.

Dancing round the room crazily to a silly song, licking the bowl of cake mixture when baking, rolling around on the grass in an old sweater and silly shorts, having the odd hair out of place, a few freckles, a curve instead of a concave, the odd scar or two of what you've overcome is the strength and happiness that defines beauty. To be able to stand up proudly, dust yourself off, survive a hilarious trip in the corridor at school and still be able to shout i am who i am whilst dancing around the room to 'girls just want to have fun' is real happiness.

The scars you hide beneath are nothing to be ashamed of, they are the struggles you've overcome, or the suffering you may be going through. It makes you no less beautiful, quit conforming. No amount of 'ordinary' will make you happy. Its too boring

Adoration of Pepsi max

I am completely infatuated with the new Pepsi max advert, though I am by no means surprised that such a delicious, beautiful product could produce such an amazing advert. 

The new advert feature beyonce, an all round fabulous woman and amazing role model with a curvaceous, healthy figure. The slogan used is, 'embrace your past, live for now'. I think it's a brilliant message and it's so enlightening. There are so many negative messages fed from the media and to have something like this fed from something that is, maximum taste; zero calories, makes me realise that it's not all bad.

Embracing my past is difficult, presumably I'm supposed to learn from it, if I'm honest I feel I am being haunted by it if anything. I can remember feeling horrendously unhappy, though the majority of the time I was blissfully happy, yet all I can remember is negativity. I want to be able to embrace where I've come from, but I'd rather be something new. Perhaps the key, learning from the past, 'embracing' it as it were may translate and interpret to realising your past is where you've been and don't want to go again. So you begin shaping now, as you live for now. 

Bank Holiday Monday

As a child i can remember the anticipation i felt in the days prior to a bank holiday, as i relished in the thought of an extra day off. Now at 18 I dread a day of work in a busy cafe full of rude impatient old age pensioners eagerly awaiting an afternoon cream tea. Not even time and a half is enough to deter my angst towards the thought of screaming children and upper class Londoner's seeking solace from the busy city streets only to find themselves knee deep in foreign students with manners almost appalling as their's.

I can remember being desperate to grow up and gain independence and earn money; yet now as i consummate a fair quantity of money and am finally able to drive, i find myself longing for the carefree days of my preteens. Where my biggest worry was who i was going to sit next to on the coach on a forthcoming school trip or what i was going to wear for mufti day. I find myself faced with somewhat substantial life changing decisions such as university and foremost which path i choose to take my life, whilst I cant even make a small change to the amount of milk i have with breakfast. I am faced with an impending feeling of doom that this will last forever.

It is while writing this that I am telling myself that i am the author of this here life and coinciding with this it is my choices that decide how i am controlled by my eating disorder. Making decisions ultimately that now may go against my better nature may petrify me profusely will do me a greater deal of good in the long run. For if i was to deny myself the mere grape i have been craving or the slice of fruitcake ive been looking at for so long i would remain stuck still in the depths of the portentous demon in my mind. For if i want to be free you must push yourself. Break the barriers and habits formed. I don't want to fear the unknown i want to relish it, the spontaneity of life. I want to be 65 and at the drop of a hat deciding to go sky diving, because i coud afford it, was healthy enough and because I wanted too. I want to look forward to the buzz of a busy workplace on bank holiday Monday, share the excitement of children as they enter the cafe ready for ice cream and cake. I want to be able to sit with my children and eat cake and ice cream with them and savour the taste both. The time is now for me to escape anorexia, im over being controlled by the alarming desire for perfection.

It is not in the still calm of life, or the repose of a pacific station, that great characters are formed. The habits of a vigorous mind are formed in contending with difficulties. -Abigail Adams

too many posts, spoil a blog?

Much the same as 'too many cooks spoil the broth' I am plagued by the idea that if i am posting too many posts people may find me irritating, there are just so many things i wish to write. So many experiences and lessons that i've learnt and wish to share. But for fear of scaring you all away im disheartened to be a frequent blogger. ive tried to stick with a post a day but already i have completely infringed this original stratagem. So as follows this post there will be another, my apologies.

Beautiful girls,

Wash off that unneeded make up, you're beautiful as you. Quit dieting and exercising on the perilous quest to be perfect, for who is? Your flaws define you, they shape and teach you. Learning is the key of your success. Wear the crazy clothes you want, fashion is wearing the clothes that you feel happy in, for it is there to make you happy not anyone else. Ditch the friends who tell you you are stupid and unsuccessful, don't let anyone crush your self worth. You are the author of your life, learn from the paragraphs, spelling mistakes and grammatical errors. Bloopers are things that make for a better ending. Having to work at being you is the first you can get from being real. Falsities and fakery make a deceitful happiness and that will not lead to purposeful living.

Breathe, put down the blade.

Smile, and stand up tall.

Delete the negativity out of your life

Illuminate the successes 

Embrace the hilarity of your falls

They are a mere fragment of the making of your positive attributes which shape the beautiful you.